Finding out that you are donor-conceived as an adult

Finding out that you are donor-conceived can lead to mixed feelings.

Some people who find out that they are donor-conceived as adults describe feelings of shock.

You will likely need time to process this new information and what it means for you. It may be difficult to understand why you were not told earlier. Finding out unexpectedly, for example at a time of family conflict, from genetic testing and/or ‘matching’ services, or from someone other than your parents might make this discovery particularly difficult.

Regardless of how you learned you are donor-conceived, this new information can be emotionally challenging.

Your feelings may change over time and after discussing with family, peers or a professional. You might be very interested to find out more about your donor or any donor-conceived siblings.

If you were conceived after August 1991, the HFEA may hold information about your donor. We also run a voluntary register for donor-conceived people who are interested in connecting with others conceived from the same donor, called the Donor Sibling Link (DSL).

If you are thinking about taking steps to see if you can find out more about your donor or donor-conceived siblings, there is no need to rush decisions. Allow yourself time to think things through first.

Find out about your donor and genetic siblings.

Further information and support

It is important you have support at this time, as not everyone may understand the impact this information might have on you. You may find it helpful to seek out more information or get in contact with other donor-conceived people. You can find some useful organisations and links below. There are also other online groups and forums available.

Counselling and support for donor-conceived people and donors

Donor Conceived UK is a peer-led charitable organisation, Donor Conceived UK can provide information, signposting, resources and peer support for donor-conceived individuals conceived at any time.

The Donor Conception Network is a supportive network of over 2000 donor-conceived people and their families.

The Donor Conceived Register helps to connect donor-conceived people who were conceived before 1 August 1991 with their donor and siblings. The administration of the DNA testing along with the counselling service is provided by the Liverpool Women's NHS Foundation Trust.

The British Infertility Counselling Association (BICA) has details of accredited fertility counsellors with expertise in supporting people dealing with issues around infertility, including donor conception (although this is more likely to be experience of speaking to prospective or current parents and donors, rather than donor-conceived people, or donors post-donation). Check individual profiles of counsellors and enquire about a counsellor’s experience.

We Are Donor Conceived: a resource centre for donor conceived people around the globe.

For more information, please contact our Opening the Register team at openingtheregister@hfea.gov.uk.

Acknowledgements

The information on this page was adapted from website content from the Victorian Assisted Reproductive Treatment Authority (VARTA), a fertility regulator in Australia.