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Counselling and support for donor-conceived people and donors
Counselling and support can be helpful for people thinking of accessing information about their donor, donor-conceived sibling(s) or individuals born from their donation.
How can counselling help me as a donor-conceived person?
Counselling gives you the opportunity to discuss the implications of accessing information, either about your donor or donor-conceived siblings. It can explore some of the issues you may experience, what your expectations are, and how you might feel or cope if you do not find out the information you are hoping for, or things don’t work out as you hoped.
You might also have found out information from a home DNA testing and matching kit which you would like to discuss in counselling. You may want to discuss how to manage new relationships resulting from DNA matching sites, such as how to initiate and maintain contact and set healthy boundaries.
You can seek counselling at any time, including before, during and after requesting information or trying to make contact. Most people may have one or two counselling sessions, but some people may feel they benefit from more.
Counselling isn’t just for people who are experiencing a ‘problem’. It can be useful for anyone who wants the opportunity to talk their thoughts and feelings through with a qualified professional. Counselling might help you think through whether to take any further steps, to cope with information you have received, or to help make contact with genetic relatives.
Talking things through
Donor-conceived individuals may experience a range of emotions when thinking about the possibility of finding out information about their donor. These could be curiosity and excitement about getting to know your donor/donor-conceived siblings, anxiety and confusion around decision-making, or feelings of loss or abandonment if you are not able to access identifying information about your donor or if things don’t work out as you hoped. All these feelings are valid and unique to you. Counselling offers a safe and supportive environment to explore these feelings, helping you process your emotions, consider decisions around accessing information (or not), and approach making contact, if you want to.
Identity and building relationships: Issues related to identity, learning that you are donor-conceived as a young person or adult, and managing relationships with both your family and your donor’s family are common among donor-conceived individuals. Counselling can help you navigate these questions.
How can counselling help me as a donor?
You may want to seek counselling to discuss the implications of a donor-conceived person potentially getting in touch with you, to explore your options if this does happen, talk about managing potential contact, or to explore how to talk about being a donor with your family. If you are an anonymous donor thinking of removing your anonymity and becoming ‘identifiable’ you may also find it helpful to talk through the implications of this with a counsellor.
Types of counselling
Counsellors specialising in working with donor-conceived people and donors
You may find that the most useful type of counselling is with a counsellor who has specialist expertise in counselling donor-conceived people, donors and their families about their experiences. These counsellors are generally fertility counsellors who have had some specific training in this area. They understand the specific emotional, psychological, and social impacts that you may experience, and they can provide you with tailored support to address these concerns.
Specialist counsellors may also provide an intermediary service in relation to donor conception. An intermediary service can facilitate contact between a donor-conceived person and their donor, or between donor-conceived siblings, for example, through allowing anonymised messages to be shared confidentially, facilitating a meeting and arranging joint counselling sessions if required. An intermediary service cannot release details, so you would need to access this information first.
This type of specialist counselling is different to the counselling fertility counsellors provide to patients and donors considering or undergoing treatment (which is often known as ‘implications counselling’). However, there are currently not many counsellors with this type of specialism.
Donor Conceived People and Donors Specialist Support
Fertility counsellors
Other fertility counsellors around the UK may not have specialist experience of counselling donor-conceived people and donors post-donation but do have experience of working with people who are considering using donation to create their family, or who are considering becoming a donor. These counsellors are expected to be accredited by the British Infertility Counselling Association (BICA) which keeps a publicly available register. You can look through profiles of counsellors to see whether they specifically mention donor conception (this is more likely to be experience of speaking to prospective or current parents and donors, rather than donor-conceived people, or donors post-donation).
Some UK licensed fertility clinics in the UK may offer a small number of free sessions with their counsellor at the clinic where the parent(s) were treated; otherwise, such services charge a fee.
General counselling
There are also many qualified counsellors and counselling services around the UK whose experience does not include donor conception, but can still provide emotional support and allow you the chance to discuss your feelings. This includes counsellors attached to GP practices. While some counselling services are free, many charge a fee. Details can be found via BACP, The Counselling Directory, UKCP, or from your GP (see links at the bottom of this page).
Finding the right counsellor and preparing for counselling
How can I find out if a counsellor is qualified and what experience they have?
When looking for a counsellor it is important to know that they have reached a recognised professional standard. This is demonstrated by their qualifications as well as their experience. You can verify a counsellor has met those standards by checking this register.
Practicalities: You’ll need to decide if you would like to speak to your counsellor in person, on the phone, or online. You’ll also need to consider costs, location (if in person), and the availability of you and your counsellor.
Other preferences: You may have other preferences, for example, you may have received a word-of mouth recommendation from another donor-conceived person or donor, or you may just feel drawn to someone when you look through counsellor profiles.
Costs: The costs for accessing a private counsellor may vary. It is advisable to check costs with individual counsellors before committing to an appointment.
Preparing for counselling
Before you begin counselling, we recommend that you read through the ‘useful reading’ below, to give you time to think about the topics which could come up in a session.
Information and peer support
Counselling can be very useful, but some people find other types of support helpful, either instead of, or alongside, counselling.
There are now a number of online support groups that specialise in donor conception. These may be for donor-conceived people (adults or younger people), parents of donor -conceived people or donors, or may serve more than one group.
People may try a few different online groups before finding one that is right for them.
Organisations
Donor Conceived People and Donors Specialist Support – an organisation offering a range of paid professional services for donor conceived people, donors and their families including advice and support, specialist counselling and intermediary services.
Donor Conceived UK – Trusted Therapist Directory helps donor conceived people access the support they need.
The British Infertility Counselling Association (BICA) has details of accredited fertility counsellors with expertise in supporting people dealing with issues around infertility, including donor conception (although this is more likely to be experience of speaking to prospective or current parents and donors, rather than donor-conceived people, or donors post-donation). Check individual profiles of counsellors and enquire about a counsellor’s experience.
Donor Conceived UK (DCUK) - a peer-led charitable organisation, Donor Conceived UK can provide information, signposting, resources and peer support for donor-conceived individuals conceived at any time.
DCN: Donor Conception Network - is a supportive network of over 2000 donor-conceived people and their families.
The DCR helps to connect donor-conceived people who were conceived before 1 August 1991 with their donor and siblings. The administration of the DNA testing along with the counselling service is provided by the Liverpool Women’s NHS Foundation Trust.
BACP - for advice about other general counselling services in the UK, contact the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy or check their How to find a therapist: BACP Therapist Directory. Your GP may also be able to refer you to a counsellor on the NHS.
UKCP the United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy is a leading organisation for psychotherapists and psychotherapeutic counsellors in the UK and offers a directory of therapists here.
The Counselling Directory is a comprehensive database of UK counsellors and psychotherapists.
Leaflets for donors: Professionals from organisations across the sector have developed five new leaflets which provide information and signposting for egg and sperm donors about the possibility of contact from any donor-conceived people born from their donations. These are available on this page.
Useful reading
Preparing to access identifying information about your donor
Preparing for possible contact from someone conceived from your donation
Review date: 30 April 2027
