Solo parenting: “Yes, it is incredibly hard, but it is without doubt the most rewarding thing I have ever done.”

What I find most interesting, is the name that’s given to women like me: ‘Solo mother by choice’. It’s as close to a description that I guess one can find, however, for me, it is very much far from the reality. You see, I never wanted to be a solo mother, but my desire to be a mother was incredibly strong and, after many years of dating and failed relationships, I started looking into having a family on my own.

I would like to add that, prior to reaching my decision, I had read every self-help book out there and attended workshops and retreats in an attempt to ‘heal’ myself so that I could find somebody to start a family with. Although these didn’t result in me finding someone, the process did make me realise that there isn’t anything ‘wrong’ with me.

So, let me share my journey with you.

I started my fertility journey planning to go abroad for treatment, to try and save myself money, but I travelled during the wrong time in my cycle and came home feeling incredibly disappointed. However, upon my return, my mother told me that she’d been able to get the money together so that I could start my journey here in the UK. This was so much better for many reasons, not least the fact that my child would be able to find out about their donor when they reach 18.

With this incredible news, I went to my first appointment at the London’s Women’s clinic in Bristol at 36 years old. Still on a mission to do everything as inexpensively as possible, I chose ‘IVF lite’. This is a milder dose of fertility medication and, I’ll cut to the chase, I never made it to egg collection due to my follicles not growing to the right size and my body not responding to the low dose of medication.

I took this as a sign that I should try one last time to meet somebody and have a family the old fashioned way.

Fast forward three years (and a pandemic) and I soon realised that I could no longer waste any more time. I started up again during the pandemic and this, of course, added further complexity. However, I’m thrilled to say that the outcome was incredibly successful; at the age of 39, they collected 22 eggs that went on to make 13 healthy embryos.

My first transfer was successful and, after my eight week scan, I was sharing the news with all who would listen to my story. However, a few weeks later, I miscarried. This is a whole other story in itself that perhaps I will save for another time.

As you can imagine, I was a heartbroken lady but also a determined one, more determined than ever before, and had another transfer as soon as I was able to. This was a success, and I made it all the way through to giving birth to my healthy, happy baby boy. What I would also like to add to my story is that I had a Doula, which made it possible for me to have the natural birth that I wanted. I was ready to have a caesarean, but my Doula helped me navigate the birthing process and I’m incredibly grateful.

That healthy, happy little boy is soon to be three years old, and he is the love of my life. My son is worth every single heartbreak, hurdle, obstacle and challenge I’ve faced over the years as, ultimately, they all led to him. And I’m proud to say that I am now 43 years old and 29 weeks pregnant with his baby brother. I sadly suffered another miscarriage prior to this success. However, this was an early miscarriage and, I’ll be honest, it made it much easier to accept.

Once I got to my 12-week scan, I made the choice to donate my remaining embryos to research. This was the best choice for me considering I was unable to donate them to women due to my age when I created them. This is my way of giving back to the amazing science that gave me the opportunity to create my family.

For any woman sitting here reading this and wondering whether or not this choice is for them, I would add that ‘time is of the essence’. As women, the reality is we don’t have time to sit on our laurels. Yes, it is incredibly hard as a solo parent, but it is without doubt the most rewarding thing I have ever done. The love I have is enough to fill my cup and, if I never meet anybody in this lifetime, I am finally okay with that because I have my two boys and my love for them is enough to fill an entire universe.

About Leigh Cooper:

I am a 43-year-old solo mother by choice, a label I don’t particularly like but I guess is the only way to describe me. I live in Cornwall with my soon to be 3-year-old son and I’m currently pregnant with another boy.

I am incredibly ambitious and I put this down to my super power of being a solo mother because I know nobody is going to rescue/save me.

I have spent the last couple of years retraining as a Financial Advisor and am soon to start up a new business, along with welcoming the birth of my new son. I class myself as an entrepreneur, but the job I want to excel in most is being an awesome mother.

In addition to this, I have decided to set up an Instagram account sharing my journey and plan to start my own podcast. Please feel free to follow me - @solomotheruk.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this blog are those of the author, they do not necessarily represent the views of the HFEA.