International Donor Conception Awareness Day: Isabel’s blog

How did you find out you were donor-conceived?

I don’t actually remember the first time that I was told that I was donor-conceived as it was disclosed to me so early on, so I feel that the knowledge that I’m donor-conceived has always been in my consciousness and quite frankly, I’ve never known anything different. I think this really stands testament to my mum’s dedication to making sure that I always knew the truth about how I came into the world.

I think what made my experience of finding out that I was donor-conceived so positive was I wasn’t sat down one day suddenly like this was one big, life-changing thing that I was going to find out. Instead, it was the idea was introduced to me gradually and in an age-appropriate manner. So I think one of my first memories of being introduced to donor-conception, my mum always used the analogy of chickens and eggs from the supermarket to try and explain what an egg donor is. So probably by the age of about four or five, I had a really good grasp of what it meant to be donor-conceived and equally what that meant for me, and I think most importantly, because that was introduced to me so early, being donor-conceived has never changed how I felt about my family. I’ve only felt really proud that my mum went to such lengths to have me, and I’ve always felt loved and cherished as her daughter. I also feel really lucky to be a sister to my brother, Tom, who’s also donor-conceived, but he was conceived using different donors to me.

What was your experience of growing up as a donor-conceived child?

Whilst I completely understood that not every child had come into the world the same way I did, I never felt any different to any other children, especially at school. I think this was mainly because it was disclosed to me so early on and being donor-conceived was just part of my life. It was my reality and our reality as a family, especially as my brother, Thomas, was also donor-conceived.

Growing up as a donor-conceived child, trying to understand what that meant, I would have questions like when I was really little, I’d say to my mum, “how did I get in your tummy?” and things like that. So there were things that I was curious about and that I wanted to explore. I think what really helped me is my mum always offering a safe, open space for me to explore those concepts with her. And I think that’s why I didn’t feel different because it was just like anyone, any parent and child talking about anything. So, growing up I didn’t feel any different. I’ve always been curious about where I came from, especially my genetic heritage, but that never took away from my family, that was always my family. I wasn’t looking for other people. I was just really interested in where I came from and how I came into the world.

Is there anything you wished you’d known when you first found out you were donor-conceived?

I think because I was born at a time when all donors were anonymous, so this was before the law change in 2005, I always knew that I would never know anything more about my donors than non-identifying information, which I would then receive when I was a teenager, when I applied to the HFEA. So, I think it would have been really nice if when my mum first shared with me that I was donor-conceived, that she could share a bit more information about where I came from. I think that would have been really nice to have that at the beginning of my story. But in terms of anything else, I don’t think there’s anything that would have made me finding out that I was donor-conceived any better because it was a really positive experience for me.

What advice do you have for parents considering donor-conception?

I think that’s a bit of a difficult question for me to answer, as I’ve never been in that position and also, I’m not a parent. So, I think all I can say is the things that made my experience a positive one in terms of finding out that I was donor-conceived and also living as someone that’s donor-conceived.

I think what really, really helped me was that very beginning, early disclosure. I think early disclosure of a child’s conception status is really important. I think that it’s best that if you can try and make sure that your child doesn’t have a time almost where there was a before life and an after, where they didn’t know they were donor-conceived and they did. My mum did a great job of telling me and then that just being my reality. That was my normal, and so that was great. That was always really positive for me. And I think it just doesn’t have to be complicated, just introducing the idea in an age-appropriate manner using words that your child can understand. I think that’s really important and that helped me quite early on get a really good grasp of what it meant to be donor-conceived. So it doesn’t need to be complicated and there’s just nothing to worry about. My family relationships have never changed. They are of just as much value as any other family relationship and the lack of genetic relatedness doesn’t matter at all. So, I think my three things would be early disclosure, it doesn’t need to be complicated, and if you do all that, you don’t need to worry.

Isabel is donor-conceived and was born following the use of an embryo which was anonymously donated by a couple following their own successful fertility treatment. Isabel and her family recently explored more about her genetic heritage on the ITV documentary series “Born From The Same Stranger”, which resulted in her finding her donors and two genetic siblings. Isabel is very passionate about women’s health and is currently studying a PhD in Reproductive Biology at The University of Manchester.